Another Bloody Entry

Something is bothering me. In fact that is basically an everyday thing to me. I just couldn't figure it out. So far I gotta say that I live in a horrible world. Why? Because unwanted drama revolves around me and it is eating me out from the inside out. I have basically no one to turn to because only God knows what I've been going through and as a matter of  fact, only God knows all the things that is bothering me that even I myself don't quite know what it is, or maybe I'm just being too ignorant to know about what is really bothering me.

So Elsie is finally in Sandakan and pursuing her next level in education world and I have to admit that I miss her so much. Despite all her annoyance and her fierceness. I got lonelier ever since she left. There's no one left at home to spend time with. Parents are busy with their own stuff and eldest sister has her boyfriend to take care of. So basically now, is just me myself and I. I feel so pathetic at the moment.

In the next one month plus, I'm going to sit for my first semester test aka STPM. As you all know, the system this year has changed and it is not like the STPM before. Am I prepared? To be honest, no. I don't know what happened to me but every time I want to start doing my revision, somehow everything is a distraction to me. Even if I put my phone away from me, out of my sight, my mind will start to be the great devil to distract me with thoughts. Thoughts that I don't wanna think and wish to delete it. How can one focus on their book for hours? Why can't I?

I need to learn to be discipline. Yes I know. Every one in the family has been pushing me, or nagging me about it. But I just can't seem to digest their words and that is when I came to realise that I can't accept people yelling at me all the time. The more you yell or nag, the more I got annoyed and the more lazier I get and the more I don;t wanna care and the more I wanna do the opposite way. You get what I mean? What hurts the most is when u expect your very own family to be there or at least try to listen to what is bothering you ignores you and scolding you instead? And that is when one can be depressed or keep everything to themselves because you shut them out first.

I always wanna be there for someone else, but no one would do the same for me. Once you've disappoint me, I'm sorry, everything you do will only repels me from you. Because it won't feel the same anymore. I can't believe that I actually have to blog this out and this shows that only through blog I can express it out. Sometimes I don't know why I just can't say no to people and sometimes why can't I be mean?

I guess I'm letting go of everything. I don't want anything anymore. No, this is not suicidal entry. I love myself and I won't do such things to harm myself. :)

Being ignorant is what I practice now?

Shit Happens

Shit happens, oh hell yeah they do. It is just up to you how you take it. Some may have a hard time solving it, some may have the greatest idea - to ignore it. Towards the end of the day, the only one that can be there for you is only you yourself and of course God. No one understands you more better than you do. You have to be strong and keep your head up high. Even if there is someone willing to share your burden and lift them up, but when you really think about it, is it fair to them? What do they get in return? So, to create less trouble, try not to care too much about the 'outside world' and start minding your own business. Well, it is not wrong to care actually, but if you can't even care about your own shits, how do you expect you can help others? Right? 

Oven Chicken

Hey guys, long time no update huh? Well, today I'm going to errr SHARE my joy and happiness with y'all. Today is my very first attempt to cook a chicken which I dump everything into the oven and I realized that whatever comes out from the oven it will definitely smells good unless it is burnt of course. So here's what I cook myself for lunch! For a beginner cook like me, I consider myself not bad afterall.

Dear Aishah! I hope you stalk my blog. wait i know im going to tweet u to. So here it goes. 

Ahem ahem

Mic check mic check

DEAR AISHAH. I can't really see all your posts in your blog. BOTH blogs. And I can't seem to find the comment column or anything. Alright thank you bye bye *Cikgu Shahizam's tone. *

TADAH

So I'm back again! After more than a week vacation with my awesome friends for the first time. I am finally now back in Kuching! Home sweet home! To tell you the truth, being away from home is not fun at all. What more to say you're on your own. What if anything happen, we can only depend on ourselves. So I think I'm going to start blogging tomorrow then. Today I'm gonna talk a lil bit about my vacation. I didn't really snap any picture because I was rather lazy and it is quite troublesome. I was scared I'm going to get robbed by creepy thieves or something. JUST KIDDING.

What is happening?

So I realized that there're lots of porno account start following me in twitter and also bible verses account too. This is so the good vs the devil man! The rivals meet in tweetworld! This freaks me out and of course I get rid of the porno account. Who would actually follow a porno account in twitter? There's nothing to see and what can you get out of pornography besides the negative thoughts, ie the thought of rapping somebody?